Table of Contents
Purpose Of Pre-Marriage Counseling
‘Relationships are a lot like houses: without a good foundation, they’ll crumble.’- Christina Lauren.
Getting married is one of the biggest milestones in everybody’s life. The series- ‘Indian Matchmaking’ shades light on the process of arranged marriages system that happens in Indian community. Sometimes, in an arranged marriage process, the list of ‘wants’ in a partner are never-ending and that is the list that everybody focuses on. In this process, the ‘needs’ that one is looking for in a partner are not given attention to. It is here that the pre-marital counselor plays an important role- in making the individuals understand on how to choose a partner in a realistic manner and most importantly to make the individuals understand why to get married. Many couples also opt for pre-marital counseling once they are engaged or about to get engaged. This helps them to understand their compatibility, personality styles, behaviors and they also get guidance on communication styles that they can use later to enhance their marital bliss.
Related Blog: Marital Counselling: Everything You Need To Know
Pre-marital counseling is equally beneficial for couples who get married through love marriage process. It helps them to build a strong foundation with their partner before marriage. Pre-marital counseling is especially helpful in inter-caste and inter-religion marriages.
In all, the purpose of pre-marital counseling is to identify triggers and potential areas in the couple’s life which could lead to conflict and equip the couple to handle it with useful techniques.
What Are the Benefits of Pre-Marital?
Pre-marital counseling is beneficial for every individual and every couple who is thinking of marriage. From knowing ‘why’ to get married to knowing how to be realistic in terms of selecting a partner and to understanding your partner’s core beliefs, pre-marital covers everything.
Here are 7 reasons why every couple, who is getting married, should go for pre-marital counseling:
1. Constructive Communication:
Constructive communication is one of the most important aspects of pre-marital counseling. Sometimes a couple can have a conflict because how one of the partners said something in a way which they didn’t mean to. This may further lead to digging out past conflicts and ending in not talking to each other for days. Wouldn’t it be great if the couples get to know each other’s communicating patterns in advance to avoid this conflict in all? That is where pre-marital counseling will help the couple- by uncovering each partner’s communication style and conveying it to the other partner and building skills to complement each other’s communication patterns. By communicating effectively, couples can learn to understand and respect each other’s needs and wants. Ultimately, this can help them build a strong foundation for their marriage.
2. Setting realistic expectations
When it comes to pre-marital counseling, it is important to set realistic expectations. This is not a magic bullet that will fix all of your problems, but it can be a helpful tool in preparing for marriage. There are times when we are fixated on wanting something, but upon getting it we may realize this wasn’t what we had expected it to turn out. Same can happen while choosing a partner. Sometimes individuals may have a checklist of qualities that they want in a partner, and that is good way to start with because it shows that you are clear on what you want, but categorizing them in ‘wants and needs’ is something that the individuals may not do. Here counselor helps the individual to go one step ahead and make the list more realistic which will help the individuals better when it comes to choose the right partner for them.
Setting realistic expectation is not limited only to choosing a partner, but it will become more important after marriage. There can be conflicts in marriages because of the expectations that the spouses have from each other. Again, the counselor can discuss the part of how to set realistic expectations from the spouses post marriage to help the couple be on a healthy track!
3. Planning The Future
By taking the time to plan for your future, you can set yourself up for a happy and successful marriage. There are small events that lead us to our future. For couples, these small events may be talking about finances, savings, earnings, where they would stay post marriage, what kind of house they’d like to stay in, whether they want to stay on their own or in a joint family. The future will also involve whether the couple would like to have kids, if yes then how many, the talks about career, responsibility of household chores and more. Of course, a couple will talk about few or everything listed above before deciding to get married, but in counselling sessions the counselor can break down each point making it elaborate which will help the couple to understand the depths of every future events.
4. Building Conflict-Resolution Skills
Marriage is not always a bed of roses. Every married couple, no matter how madly in love they are, have faced ups and downs in a marriage and that is perfectly fine. Afterall two people with varying perspectives, different upbringing and diverse lifestyles come together to form a lifetime bond. Hence having conflicts or disagreements with spouses is okay, but leaving it without resolving can lead it to piling it up in the minds of both the individuals. It will then reflect in their future behaviors towards each other. Hence, knowing conflict resolution skills is a must so that the couple can rationally resolve a conflict and move on from it. The pre-marital counselor can give the couple a few techniques that they can use depending their individual behavior.
5. Discovering New Things
The journey of pre-marital counseling can be very eye-opening. On this journey you may discover new things or skills that your partner possesses simply by listening to them while they discuss or answer the counselor’s questions. At the same time, you may also uncover new things about yourself, like you may notice new thinking patterns while talking to the counselor and much more. You two may also get comfortable in opening up and talking about factors, in front of the counselor, that you might have avoided in the past. Knowing yourself and your partner in a better way can be fun and counselling is the way for it!
6. Talking About Fears Related To Marriage
When it comes to marriage, it’s natural to have some fears and concerns. After all, marriage is a big step! There can be fear of change, commitment, loss of freedom etc. But, it’s important to firstly acknowledge these fears that you may have within yourself and then talk about these fears with your partner before you tie the knot. This is where pre-marital counseling comes in the picture. In pre-marital counseling, you and your partner will have the opportunity to discuss about any fears or concerns you have about marriage. This can be a really helpful exercise, as it can help you identify any potential areas of conflict and help you find ways to overcome them.
7. Skills To Help Taking Mutual Decisions:
Making decisions together can be difficult, especially when it comes to important topics like finances, responsibilities, and children etc. Pre-marital counseling can help couples learn the skills they need to make mutual decisions that work for both of them. Some important skills for taking mutual decisions include effective communication, conflict resolution, and compromise. Learning how to communicate effectively can help couples avoid misunderstandings and allow them to express their needs and wants to each other. Conflict resolution skills can help couples work through disagreements in a constructive way. And finally, compromise is important for finding a solution that both parties can agree on.
Is Pre-Marital Counseling Worth It?
Pre-marital counseling is a hot topic these days. Many couples are choosing to see a counselor before they get married, but is it really worth it? Pre-marriage counseling can be a great investment for couples who are serious about their relationship and it ensures that they start off on this journey on the right foot. Pre-marital counseling can provide couples with the tools they need to build a strong and healthy marriage.
Counselors can help couples learn how to communicate effectively, resolve conflict, and understand and respect each other’s needs and wants. Counseling can also help couples identify and deal with potential problems early on, before they become major issues. It helps couples to understand and respect each other’s differences, and to develop realistic expectations for marriage.
What Do The Couple Talk In Premarital Counseling?
A premarital counseling session typically lasts for one hour. The counselor will ask the couple questions about their relationship, family, and friends. It is a safe space for couples to open up about anything and everything about them and about their views on marriage. Following are the points that the couple may discuss with the counselor during their pre-marital counseling sessions:
- Individual beliefs and thoughts and values.
- Expectations from the partner.
- Discussions related to financial responsibility.
- Sex and intimacy.
- Each other’s past experiences (if necessary and prompted by the counselor).
- Extended families.
- Whether to have children, how many and when.
- Other challenging topics.
By the end of counseling, the couple has a better understanding of each other and are prepared to enter marriage with a strong foundation.
The Bottom Line:
Definition of marriages have changed with times. With the current generation, a lot of fear and anxiety is seen when it comes to marriage. And given the current situations, having this fear is understood. But sometimes, this fear can lead to irrationality and negativity towards marriage as whole, or towards opposite genders or confusion in a romantic relationship.
It is completely alright to decide not to get married, after all that’s also a choice that should be respected and pre-marital counseling is not for convincing the individuals, who have decided not to get married, to change their minds. Pre-marital counseling is for the individuals who want to get married but this decision may get hampered because of fear, anxiety, surrounding situations etc. to make them take a step back.
In all, pre-marital counseling helps the individuals and the couples to walk into new chapter of their lives without major concerns or worries regarding marriage!
Looking For Pre-Marriage Counseling?
Are you someone who is thinking of getting married and wants guidance for the same? Are you someone who is about to get engaged, but would like to know your partner better and talk about things that you may feel uncomfortable talking with your partner alone? Then, you should consider our pre-marital counseling services.
How to book a session? It is pretty easy- jump onto https://www.supportoursafety.com/therapy/ and follow the steps mentioned on the page to book a session!
